Thank you to Rose, pittsburgh, Aly and HD001 for your support. Reading your comments gives me hope that my partner and I will get through this and end up in an even better place than when we began and I fell so deeply in love with him.
pittsburgh, I definitely hear what you are saying about broken relationships. My partner and I are both divorced. But despite the obstacles we face, we are intent on making this one work. (Though I must admit I feel a little insecure these days. We are in a long distance relationship right now, and because he is facing his CSA anew, he has expressed the need for "space". This means no more skype-ing, no more texts, no more emails... No contact hardly at all. This makes me worry that he will grow away from me during his healing.)
HD001, I like your reminder about how I was before therapy. Yes, I do remember being quite self-absorbed and expecting anyone close to me to feel as deeply as I did the pain that my abuse caused me. I've since realized how unreasonable and *impossible* really it is to expect someone to have that kind of empathy. So, yes, I can and should expect him to be very selfish at times.
You also reminded me about what therapy has given to me in terms of kindness, compassion, accountability. But the opportunity to practice these things is important. This is my chance to be for him the partner I wish I had had long ago.
And, Rosemary, perhaps it does function best when we take turns dealing with our CSA. I look forward to the day when he and I can enjoy a relationship with mutual trust, compassion and happiness.
Aly, it sounds like you are understandably feeling frustrated and worn down by the process. I'm sorry that he hasn't committed himself to healing as you wish he would. You are a wonderful support to him. I think it is especially frustrating for us as partner-survivors to see them suffer and (at least we think) know what would be a more productive way for them to deal with the pain they are experiencing, but they don't want it or aren't ready. I hope he takes a step in a positive direction soon!