I've decided recently that I need to focus on healing, and talking about the experience and issues I have... and trying to really connect with myself. I also decided that I need to be okay with what happened to me and how I survived it. I did survive it. It wasn't my fault. I know this, ...
... I've decided that no matter how much it hurts, and I want to give up... I'm going to heal! I'm going to thrive. I'm going to get better. I'm going to talk in detail about my experience. I'm going to let go and let loose of control. I'm going to trust. I'm going to figure out what is love. I'm not going to confuse it with sex or power or control. I'm going to do all of this.
Good to have you back with renewed determination to go forward. With the attitude you displayed in the post above, you should go far and make steady progress.
i can identify with most of what you've said in this post. let me know if there's any way i can help.