My name is Cameron. You can call me Cam. Everyone does anyhow. I was abused by my a brother, and I repressed it for years but the signs were there. The anger, the distrust, the loneliness, etc. During high school, I told my best friends after having some pretty vivid dreams about the abuse and also acting out emotionally. The world I thought I knew... came crashing down.
Now, I still have problems with trust. I make friends easily but I can never seem to connect. The friends I do trust, I keep at a certain length, and I really do not trust anyone with the details of my abuse. I can let you get so far with me, and then I snap back. It's very annoying to me, and the people who care for me.
I've decided recently that I need to focus on healing, and talking about the experience and issues I have... and trying to really connect with myself. I also decided that I need to be okay with what happened to me and how I survived it. I did survive it. It wasn't my fault. I know this, and I have experienced it, but there is the same sex attraction and boundary issues... trust, love... it's all messed up. It's all jumbled inside of me. What should be... isn't. And what is... shouldn't.
I've decided that no matter how much it hurts, and I want to give up... I'm going to heal! I'm going to thrive. I'm going to get better. I'm going to talk in detail about my experience. I'm going to let go and let loose of control. I'm going to trust. I'm going to figure out what is love. I'm not going to confuse it with sex or power or control. I'm going to do all of this.