I'm experiencing an agitating experience with someone in program.
I have decided that I want to start working with kids again, it brings me great value and self esteem.
The program I wish to participate in has someone that I have a brief history with in Alanon. In that program, we developed a fellowship and friendship. I was very candid, honest, and vulnerable with him. And then things got sexually tense (I wasn't understanding what was going on; I certainly was not attracted to him, so I started wondering if he was attracted to me). I withdrew from the fellowship and stopped going to the meetings he was going to.
More than a year later, my sponsor encouraged me to talk to him about it, since it had been bothering me the entire year. I called him and told him about my confusions and asked him questions about what happened. He took offense, and got angry at me. that was a few months ago.
A few nights ago, I stepped up to do my first part in starting my volunteer work. This person is one of the people that runs the program. He questioned my integrity, attacked my program, and was condescending towards me as I was trying to explain to him.
I'm being reminded that even people who are seeking recovery, and even people who look like stellar examples of recovery on the outside, still carry within them judgments, and can act out when they are feeling uncomfortable.
it sucks that he is standing directly in my way to my volunteer desires. I hope that I'm still offered an opportunity to show them my value.
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM