one week from today i see my T again. he has been away for 5 weeks now. it has not been easy. today was especially bad. a couple of triggers that totally surprised me. one was totally new. i thought i was over that. it had been a while since this kind of panic reaction and i guess i got into a false sense of complacency.

BUT - i can make it for another week. i have really relied upon you all to help me make it through. if i didn't have this place to come to, i don't know what i'd have done. ironically - i feel safe here. paradoxically - i get comfort from hashing out our issues together. just being able to be in the "company" of other guys who get it makes me feel better. even when not discussion my posts, it has strengthened and encouraged me - just knowing that i am not alone - and am accepted - as i am.

thank you all - for being there.
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago