one week from today i see my T again. he has been away for 5 weeks now. it has not been easy. today was especially bad. a couple of triggers that totally surprised me. one was totally new. i thought i was over that. it had been a while since this kind of panic reaction and i guess i got into a false sense of complacency.

BUT - i can make it for another week. i have really relied upon you all to help me make it through. if i didn't have this place to come to, i don't know what i'd have done. ironically - i feel safe here. paradoxically - i get comfort from hashing out our issues together. just being able to be in the "company" of other guys who get it makes me feel better. even when not discussion my posts, it has strengthened and encouraged me - just knowing that i am not alone - and am accepted - as i am.

thank you all - for being there.
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2