OMG>.MMFAN....you explained this SO much better than he could. It makes SO much more sense. What you said was REALLY enlightening to me and REALLY important. He uses so many of the same words as you did (safe, unsafe, violation, boundries)....you GET THIS....
Again..if I knew he'd be back..I would NEVER EVER have involved his mother. I thought I'd never see him again! and yes...sadly he mother WAS involved in his being physically, emotionally abused and sexually molested...she and others in the family and elsewhere. BREAKS MY HEART THE PAIN he's endured...yet..amazes me how he has become such a wonderful, successful employee and daddy!
Yet..the man he is...has stayed close to his abusive parents..being the good son...doing many things for them! She actually passed away last month..so that adds even more to this situation. (I was there every step of the way--as much as he allowed.. during her short illness until the end.)
I never knew this all this occured that I needed to ask permission to give him something...HE NEVER told me this and I have given him A LOT through the years. Perplexing that he never shared what you said to me!
Bless you for taking the time to be SO honest and explain this to me! I never read this in a book, nor on this site..so thank you so much!
I FEEL COMPLETELY HORRIBLE NOW..I said I am sorry a bunch of times..but now I understand this so much better..I feel SICK..and I know how he feels...I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry!!!!