Some people really won't accept some truths unless you really force them to. I wrote a poem sharing some of the abuse I went through as a child and shared it with my sister. After reading it, she facebooked me and told me she remembered some of that. I was flabberghasted by that. So I wrote her back and asked to share what specifics she had, because my own memories are very spotty and I often don't trust them.

So she writes me back and told me that she remembers me being upset about things and getting in a fight with our next door neighbor's son. The way she wrote it made it really sound like she didn't recognize at all that I was writing a poem about my abuse, but rather a poem about how I used to get upset too easily. Plus, the next door neighbor didn't have a son so I have no idea where she got that from. I shared all this with my wife and she thinks that my sister just doesn't see how important this is to me. But basically it comes down to me feeling like I shared something very vulnerable with my sister and she responded by saying that she remembers how whiny I was as a kid. My wife thinks I'm being too hard phrasing it that way, but that's how it feels.

I think my sister doesn't get at all that I was hurt and won't udnerstand until I am a lot more clear about it. But given the way she responded to what I did share, I don't think I want to go any farther. And the question is: why is it so important to me that she knows? Well, its not anymore but there was a point where I really thought she was an ally in understanding how abusive my mother was to me (the actual perps were not family members, but my mother put me through a lifelong regimen of pain and fear that basically acted as self-esteem shattering grooming, making me easy pickings for those who wanted to dominate me). But I think now what I saw as preliminary conffessions leading to a real comraderie, she saw as just normal adult children griping about their parents.

And I know my mother was also weird to her, and she's had her own issues in her life about that. And that might be why she's resistant to recognize the deeper wounds that I was trying to show her. But it still hurts.

And then she ends her note back telling me I'd probably feel better if I went on a diet.

grrrrrrrrr.
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