I hope you all can help. I‘d love to hear from many of you.
Background: I have a “closer than a friend” for 2 ½ yrs. He is a CSA survivor. I know all about this past. He has shared SO much of it with me and we have been VERY close emotionally. The most physically we’ve done is hug (his choice-and I have respected him). He is going through a NASTY divorce..almost 4 yr since he moved out…and has ZERO desire for a romantic relationship at this time. But we spend time together…dinner, events, movies at home, hanging out, etc. I have spent time with his kids. His 2 youngest from this marriage ADORE me and I ADORE THEM!! We’ve had WONDERFUL times together. He has even trusted me to babysit and NO ONE gets to do that…as he is VERY understandably overprotective.
Often...he gets tooo close to me and RUNS..stays away for weeks or months at a time and returns…and we get even closer emotionally..we have a very special, unique connection.
About 6 months before Christmas 2011 I started to make him his Christmas gift. I designed a cross stitch pillow to hang on the wall. It said “The XYZ Family” and has stitched pictures of him, all his kids, and grandbaby..all holding hands and all of his beloved pets.
By the time Christmas was getting near..he freaked out AGAIN and RAN…refusing ALL gifts…including gifts I had purchased for his 2 youngest kids. Said NO GIFTS. I was heartbroken….I didn’t hear much from him and many months later decided I probably was NEVER going to see or hear from him again. I contacted his mother and gave her the pillow..I wanted it in his family…she said she’d put it away..one day he’d find it.
Five months went by with zero contact then around Thanksgiving..an email..then a few more..then we were talking DAILY……. Christmas 2012 was nearing… things..so I thought were TERRIFIC..he had healed SOOO much..he was like a wonderful, new , better than ever person. (He always was pretty amazing to start off with ) He was happy..life was good! So I contacted his mother and decided to get the pillow back and leave it at his home…I didn’t know if I could give it to him…there were no plans to see each other.
He opened it..loved it..said it was special and beautiful and he quickly hung it in his room. THEN….6 or 7 weeks later..I HAVE NO CLUE WHY..because he KNEW I dropped it off and picked it up….his mother had told him….he EXPLODED..said it was a betrayal and he lost ALL trust in me…HUH??? HE WAS FURIOUS AND HURTFUL. HE said he wanted to toss the pillow and take it down and this betrayal was equivalent to being raped?? HUH??? I was shocked and baffled for all the reasons I just wrote!!! He now won’t talk to me. I miss him..and what we have…….
What is going on here??? What is this delayed fury?? I mean he was calling me cutie names..something he hadn’t done before..we discussed that ONE DAY …just MAYBE there could be a future for us…if things took that path…in MANY YEARS to come…..then BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!! He said it was a violation?!?!
Too scared…?? Needed a reason to leave?? How could what I did …..and I told him…I thought I’d NEVER SEE him again..and then when he came back…I so wanted him to have this work of art that I made with so much love put into it!!!
PLEASE enlighten me..THANKS SO MUCH!
Edited by Friend2help (02/23/13 11:49 PM)
Edit Reason: errors