Welcome to MS. It's a tough first step to be here and come to grips with our common denominator but it gets a little easier (at least for me) each time I'm here. So much of your introduction rang true to me also. I was scared to death when I registered in October of 2012 and even used a different email address and name but have since changed those because I have come to terms (somewhat) about my own abuse and I'm not as fearful about others knowing. I only told my wife back in October what happened to me as an 8-9 year old kid.
I'm taking this step now because I know I must get this hell out of me before it kills me.
I'll be 50 in a few weeks and have kept this all internalized for 40+ years as well. It has been such a relief to get these things off my chest.
For all of my adult life, I've been alone in the midst of crowds.
Same here. I feel that I never fit in anywhere I go especially with a group of men. I've never been "one of the guys". It sounds like you did what I did--escaped into music. I've played guitar for about 35 years (though not much in the last several) and love music. As you'll see from my signature I LOVE Floyd. I too identified with The Wall
LP and wonder if Roger Waters was abused in some way as a child. I know he lost his father in WWII and the emotions connected to that show in his song writing but from a survivors perspective there seems to be something more involved. What do you think?
All that just to say welcome, sorry. There are so many great guys on here and all are willing to help as best they can whether that is answering questions (and there are NO stupid questions here) or just "listening". I see my good friend Dolphinboy said hello. He has been a great help and comfort to me since coming here. Hey DB!
Read, write and ask. It really can (and has for me) get better.