someone mentioned childhood memories of playing dodge-ball in a discussion on another forum - how devastating an experience it had been for him. there was an adult event he was going to that was going to include that game and he was having a hard time with the idea and didn't know how to handle it. that brought up an old bad memory of mine that i hadn't thought of in a long time.

when i was 12(?) in scouts - we ended one meeting with a huge game of dodge-ball that they called "war" - played with basketballs. i was targeted - after having already been bullied in so many other ways - including s3xually. it seemed like every guy there launched an attack on me simultaneously. i was one of the younger boys. i ended up with a lot of bruises, a broken nose and a concussion. the step-dad had to come and pick me up instead of me riding my bike home. he was embarrassed and ashamed of me and mad at me - for being a wimp and a victim and an underdog. the experience broke more than just my nose.

i guess my perspective is different from others'. it seemed like most guys felt that the thing to do was go and play to prove that he could win over his fears. i say it is OK not to participate in something that is that likely to trigger you. as an adult i have the right to opt out. i have the choice and the power and freedom to make that decision. i feel like i am strong enough NOT to be pressured or intimidated into doing something that could re-traumatize me. i have nothing to prove. i just say NO. i'll sit this one out. anyone for scrabble?

am i just a hopeless wuss?
Lee


Edited by traveler (02/24/13 05:59 AM)
Edit Reason: cx
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago