So I have two issues or questions I guess. I'm just looking for other opinions really.
1) So my H has complained about me being cold and told me that he wants more s3x. One night I came home late and was planning on "gettin some" but found that he was already alseep. The next day I told him about it. His response was "well you should have just started something up. I would have woke up. " I told him that i would feel creepy touching him when he was alseep and am afraid that he would think I was being rapey. He just laughed and said that I couldn't rape him. Okay fine fair enough I am his wife and probably the least rapey chick out there but I still feel really uncomfortable about being more sexually agressive with my H.
I don't know any details about his abuse and am so terrfied of doing something that will remind him of his perp. To even thick of it makes my stomach turn. It would break my heart if I found out I was touching him some way that his perp did. I'm afraid if I just come out and ask him he will get really annoyed. I know his perp was a male and maybe I'm just being paraniod but I don't know how to gracefully handle this situation.
2) the next situation that I am worried about messing up is how he has started to randomly bring up csa from time to time. In the past when I have brought it up he would shut down right away so I've stopped. But know I am wondering if he is testing the waters to see my reaction or if he just has been thinking about it more so it slips out. Here is an example
We where at having drinks and I saw a kid I thought his brother knew. H has brought him up from time to time for the last couple years. It was always the same story that this kid broke his brothers nose and had rage problems because his dad beat him. But this time the conversation was different.
Me - hey isn't that M?
H- yeah
Me- I see him out drinking a lot.
H- yeah he has a alcohol problem he likes to drink a lot.
Me- well I'm not really surprised with how bad he got beat as a kid. That sucks
H- well he got raped by his uncle
Me- oh man.....how do you know that?
H- my brother told me M told him about it. Pause......I'm going to go say hi to him
This was out of character we have seen M out before but H doesn't go out of his way to talk to him. That night thought he talked to him a lot and looked really sad after like he might cry. Although he told me he was just tired. So here is my question should I be doing more to let H know its okay to talk about it? I don't know a way to words things when he brings up the csa that is open but not pushy. Or maybe I shouldn't worry about it. I just don't want him to feel like I'm ignoring it when he brings up. Shit I don't know
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Everything comes from within