It takes courage to write what you wrote. I can certainly identify with some of what is on your list. I just made it here and I'm grateful that you are here telling your story, sharing stuff like this. While I may not have the same experiences, we have many of the same feelings. Your courage gives me courage, thank you. I can empathize with you and I wish we were not part of this dark 'club'. I'm glad we're all here.
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"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski