I am not a survivor..but I love one...and your stories are similar..except we have never gone past hugging.
We have been in each others lives for 2 1/2 yrs...he has run away often...SCARED!!! Only to return 3-5 months later..and we always get emotionally closer.
We have discussed everything and anything, including about his CSA. He HAS sought affection from men....but he is heterosexual. I have read books on this subject, as well as being here on this board, to try to understand. What my guy says is..after being molested by several men...he FINALLY needed to be shown that a man can be gentle and it just is shown in a sexual way...this seems to be a common pattern with men who have experienced CSA. He has had 2 marriages..14 yrs and 9 yrs (TWO HUGE MISTAKES)...went to EXTENSIVE therapy and STILL to this day...20+ yrs later calls his therapist..when he needs to. He specializes in survivors of CSA!
Healing via therapy is the ONLY WAY and even with that...it's just something, sadly that stays with them forever.
But they can improve and lead a normal life! A loving partner CAN help!
It would help you to read the many books out there. Go to 1 out of 6 web site..they have a FREE library...they will send you books...or check your library. The books helped me to understand so much.
Sometimes being apart only heightens the love you have for one another..and makes you closer....it has for us....and each time he is away...he heals more.
IT is a challanging path to be close to someone who has been abused.
My guy went through a period of time , where he was not interested in ANY form of sex..not even doing it himself...after reading the books..I found this to be quite common.
Good luck to you both!!