I read your post and a reply started coming out and it became a poem. I am posting it over in the poetry section because it is kind of long and I don't want to hijack your thread, but I hope you read it because your post is the reason I wrote it.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=425765&#Post425765
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Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.