Hd I could pretty much have written the first part of your post but also completely understand the point about your husband since worhtlessness is something I struggle with myself.

Unlike what "won't give up" said about her husband, for myself it is always the lack of the small things that hurts.

Part of me wants to respond in a similar way to Candu, indeed part of me feels jealous that you even have! the possibility for intimacy having myself never experienced that, however that sort of response is not helpfull, since your leg is still broken and still hurts and all the contemplating of people with multiple compound fractures or severe burns in the world won't change that fact.

However I will say one thing. The consequences of self loathing and worthlessness are! possible to deal with, albeit that it takes considderable time and effort. yes, it is a war, but it is a war that has, if not a victory at least an amicable cease fire.

For myself for instance, I struggled with a sense of worthlessness so cripling I'd believe anything I did was bad, wrong, disgusting. That I was uggly, stupid, ineeffective. It got so bad there were points that I'd write three pages of my phd thesis, start rereading them then instantly delete the hole thing as utter crap, or go and catch the train on the way to a social function, sit at the station and think "well, people wouldn't want me there anyway!" then turn around and come back.

This sense of worthlessness was absolutely implicit. Any description of myself, five foot 8, 29, English, would always! for me include the term worthless, and even if other people told me differently, I was utterly unable to accept or believe it. I'd always think Someone was being nice, that a person was being good enough to complement me to try and make me feel better rather than making any sort of real judgement about me. It didn't matter if this was a friend saying they liked my company, my parents, or just someone saying they liked my writing or my singing, --- such people were "being nice"

For me, finding an answer took a great deal of work and far too many periods confronting my own worthlessness, but I did find one. Namely, recognizing! in a completely cold and pragmatic way that when it came to self assessment my own judgement was simply biased, that I would always be my own worst crytic, and realizing therefore that I shouldn't let myself be influenced by such judgements even if I still made them. Thus, while I! thought what i wrote in my doctoral thesis was a load of crap, my tuter did not. My tuter is someone I very much respect, I know! that when it comes to academic work I couldn't ask for a better judge. therefore, who's opinion do I trust, mine, which i know to be biased, or that of my tuter.

Of course, applying this is not actually easy, even after five years of recovery and I have had my share of relapses, however in finding an answer that works at least for me, I could come to terms with something that was previously a major! problem.

So, it is possible to actually recover from those sorts of things, albeit it will always be there and takes a lot of work and struggle. Whether my answer works for your husband I don't know, however the fact that I could find! an answer which has lead me to some measure of acceptance I hope is some way to being helpfull.

Luke.