I posted on the progress form about how I have been letting go of anger directed towards my father for not being there for me for not protecting me for abandonment. I outlined how I've been able to speak to him on the phone and be very cordial and civil. Well I'm in a different place today. I put aside time this summer so that myself and my family can go visit an elderly family member. My father caught wind of this and invited himself to meet us in the state that this family member lives in. I am in no way happy about this my stomach is in knots and I felt that anger boil to the surface. I have seen this man a total of 3 times in the last 22 years and every time I see him I am an absolute wreck, I end up with stomach issues before during and after the visit, it is always a very unpleasant experience for me.

I want to tell him that his presence is not needed nor is it desired, but I do not know how to approach the situation. On one hand I'd rather say go f*** yourself there is no way I'm going to meet with you, and on the other hand Who Am I to deny him the right to see his grandchildren. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and I do not know how to put my feelings aside AGAIN! Should I even have to put my feelings aside for him and for my children?

This is the second time I'm writing this post I have had to clean it up alot. The "F" bomb flows like water over my keypad when I'm this pissed.

another thing is I don't even know why I am concerned about his feelings why the f*** should I even care? but in some sick f****** way I do. this all just seems like way too much for me right now especially while this is all so raw.

So much for progress......

-Jay-

I know this post sounds somewhat childish I apologize.
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"Those are not your sins" A wise man