HD001,

My husband and I had major intimacy issues for years. We are just now getting to the root of the issue (his CSA). I was literally at divorce's door, looking up lawyers - getting costs etc. because of the lack of intimacy. I personally would rather actually BE alone than FEEL alone when I am with someone. Well, he came home last week from the Therapists and asked to talk to me. He started remembering stuff that happened to him as a child and it all started to click. From reading here, and reading article after article, seems intimacy can become a real issue for the survivor. There is hope, but it can take a long time. My H and I are in our second year of marriage now, and we are just starting to climb this mountain. I do take relief in knowing that it wasnt ME causing the issue (lets face it, when your spouse has nothing to do with you, it crushes your soul, and if you dont know WHY, like the CSA - then its automatically assumed its you. At least it was for me). I hope that you guys can get through this - and definitely get the help of a counsler. I would also make sure that you guys are on the same page on what intimacy means to each of you. That was a BIG thing with me and my H - we had two very different ideas of what it was. He thought it was sex, and I felt it was the little things, like holding hands or just talking - knowing eachother deeply.

There are alot of steps you can take to work on this, but if you havent already, please think about getting the help of a pro to work with you guys and mediate. With out our counseler, I am sure that my H and I would not be together now.

I know this probably isnt very helpful - but you are not alone, and you are not alone in this struggle. There IS hope. My H and I are just now starting this fight for recovery...and I have no illusions that it will be easy or fast. But just knowing that his actions are SO common with survivors has helped me understand it and helped me cope. Keep coming here, read what others are saying and know that you are not by yourself in this.