i hear what you are saying and feeling. i'm not going to try to talk you out of it because it is legitimate to experience what you are going through right now. i have been there too. not gonna promise you a rose garden - but some circumstances do change with time, and our perceptions also change. not saying it is easy or without a big effort - but you can get through this and in the meantime, vent and rage all you need to. and see if there is anything you can do to get to a better place - move out, change jobs, speak up at your group, cut off toxic relationships, whatever... and we are here for you.
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2