i hear what you are saying and feeling. i'm not going to try to talk you out of it because it is legitimate to experience what you are going through right now. i have been there too. not gonna promise you a rose garden - but some circumstances do change with time, and our perceptions also change. not saying it is easy or without a big effort - but you can get through this and in the meantime, vent and rage all you need to. and see if there is anything you can do to get to a better place - move out, change jobs, speak up at your group, cut off toxic relationships, whatever... and we are here for you.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho