I'm a bit late too. We've been married for 34 years and I found out my husband had been seeing prostitutes for the last four years, then three months ago he left me for a woman he'd been having an affair with. When he came back he told me about the abuse.

I was in shock, and the hurt was like a knife in my heart. But he finished the affair very quickly, got into therapy and started talking to me about the horrific abuse for the first time in his life. He's going through a workbook so that he has coping strategies. In short, he's been doing everything he could to heal so the acting out never happens again.

The worst time for me was when I made him get himself checked out for sexually transmitted disease. That really hit him how low he'd sunk. But for me it made the adultery real and I hurt even more.

But this site has been amazing. Its given me hope that as Eposa said, its just a chapter, not the whole story of our relationship. The more I understand about the abuse he suffered the less I take it personally and the less I hurt. It's getting better.