Welcome TJONC,

I'm sorry to hear that you were so badly abused as a boy. Now to have that compounded by your parents betrayal (by choosing silence over your welfare), has to be so painful. Your anger is valid. Your mental issues are understandable.

But now is YOUR time. Consider making some distance with the parents, and above all taking care of YOU. If you're not seeing a therapist, look into it. If you're seeing a therapist but not getting anywhere, try another one. And certainly take advantage of the resources here.

You are among men who come from all walks of life, all ages, gay, straight and everything between. Our common bond is that we all have been through boyhood sexual abuse, and all have had to live with the resulting trauma. You'll find stories similar to your own, and men with feelings and issues that you can identify with. As well as some ideas about what has worked for others in dealing with it all.

When I got here, someone said to me that abuse happens in secret, but healing happens out loud. It will get easier to talk about it, especially as you see that you are no longer alone. Get off your chest whatever you need to, as often as you need to. We're always here, and we've got your back.

Jude
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd