Much of what you shared here is familiar to me. The sudden onset of disturbing memories. The relationship difficulties. The trust issues.
You come to a safe place to work on these things, with men who will support you because we have been there. It will get easier to talk about it in time. No need to rush, but then again, there's been too much delay already. When you feel ready to jump in, then go with it. We've got your back.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell