Much of what you shared here is familiar to me. The sudden onset of disturbing memories. The relationship difficulties. The trust issues.
You come to a safe place to work on these things, with men who will support you because we have been there. It will get easier to talk about it in time. No need to rush, but then again, there's been too much delay already. When you feel ready to jump in, then go with it. We've got your back.
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?. The Who