Much of what you shared here is familiar to me. The sudden onset of disturbing memories. The relationship difficulties. The trust issues.
You come to a safe place to work on these things, with men who will support you because we have been there. It will get easier to talk about it in time. No need to rush, but then again, there's been too much delay already. When you feel ready to jump in, then go with it. We've got your back.
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."Pink Floyd