so sorry, billray.
i sense your pain and i have no answers.
but i thought it might help a tiny bit just to know you are heard.
it can get lonely at this time when there aren't as many guys around. i am in a different time zone - 12 hours off of EST - so am often up when others aren't. send me a PM any time if you feel like it.
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2