so sorry, billray.
i sense your pain and i have no answers.
but i thought it might help a tiny bit just to know you are heard.
it can get lonely at this time when there aren't as many guys around. i am in a different time zone - 12 hours off of EST - so am often up when others aren't. send me a PM any time if you feel like it.
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9