so glad you found us Benthebeaver,kick off your shoes and hang out for a while you will find a lot of resources here and guys who truly get it. I am so glad that you have found this healing place, though so sorry you needed to.
heal well man
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"