Yep, it's hell.
Cool you found this place. It is the only place where I can be real about all of this stuff. I am glad you found a T. It's ok to help them help you. Leting them know what your goles are. The same sex urges are a product of the abuse. This is as painfull and confusing as any of it for me. I have learned to not condem my self in any way and I have learned not to act on the compulsion. A lot of this work was learning to understand and manage my sexual addiction.

Best wished with your counseling