you are not alone. that is the beauty of this place - it is a community of other guys who understand what you are going through. it is good that you have reached out like this. continue to ask questions, express your thoughts and feelings and tell more of your story as you are able. i'm sure you will find an amazing amount of support, encouragement and info here - as i have.
see you around,
They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me.
Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long.
But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.