hi, Benthebeaver!
and welcome!

you are not alone. that is the beauty of this place - it is a community of other guys who understand what you are going through. it is good that you have reached out like this. continue to ask questions, express your thoughts and feelings and tell more of your story as you are able. i'm sure you will find an amazing amount of support, encouragement and info here - as i have.

see you around,
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9