hi, Benthebeaver!
and welcome!

you are not alone. that is the beauty of this place - it is a community of other guys who understand what you are going through. it is good that you have reached out like this. continue to ask questions, express your thoughts and feelings and tell more of your story as you are able. i'm sure you will find an amazing amount of support, encouragement and info here - as i have.

see you around,
Lee
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"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"