Wow so many great responses thanks guys. You have given me a lot to think about. I would agree that there are trust issues and that had made everything else more complicated. I feel like my H pushes me away all the time and that part of it is because he is waiting for me to leave him. It is so frustrating that he won't show me any vulnerability. I get the whole wanting to not appear weak. I guess in my mind facing your emotions and being honest about them takes courage when I see him fight for himself and for us it makes him that much more attractive. I know I ve hurt him it helps a lot to get some perspective from guys who know what its like to be in his shoes. Thanks again.
Keep calm and carry on!