I hate myself momentarily. I wish i could kill myself right
now. I hate porn! I was doing great from tuesday.
I spoke to my T tuesday and i let my thoughts focus on a book
i placed next to my dad's computer , titled " the Porn Trap".
I didnt read it. I was doing so well.
The pressure in my head to do sick stuff...it is all messed
up. I wish i never had family. This isnt family.
I am sensitive to everything! I wish i wasnt born ,at times.
I went to a bar w/ a friend Saturday night. I didnt drink any
alcohol. I went home and i was ready to crash at midight
and fucking thought...doesnt take much mother of God!
" Stay put goran . Dont go in there. They are watching you."
I can see that fucking piece of garbage laughing at me, as
if i am 7 years old at the moment .." you are my little boy"
fucking me up...in my brain. "Stupid, you are stupid", says
his piece of shit daughter. My dad...what dad? he is on
their side. He is an actor like the rest of them over there.
Meanwhile my dad..i have this scared tension in my mind and
feeling ..he can have this look ..and it fights in any time
i begin to grow and gain more bravery from their mental illness. Who would have thought i woudl ..get up and walk
in his bedroom.....7, 7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,.. toss and turn...
buy food for them. Drop the red carpet...so they can have
an excellent time in their lives ..at my expense. Brother,
too! I still want to learn my mom's weak language ,,b/c
i would like to murder back...and contribute to help that
stupid people ...just like i would love to do murderous
shit all the people who do ths to kids everywhere.
I am not happy! I need help. My mom and dad put pressure
on me to be nice ...i am a movie star. I am now an Uncle.
Who gives a shit! I am an uncle a million times over in my
brain... i like kids ,i feel sorry for the girl. She
has my mom as an tiny child in her fucking brain.
"grandchild ,grandchild"... she so happy. First of all
this fucking trash brother has 2 step kids..they shouldnt be
in second and third place. They deserve equal amount of
attenion. I am not an idiot! I love myself ,and i love
people who respect people,,no matter who you are ,,what ever
your country your from , whateveR! My mom is sick. My dad
even more. I wish i had places to go.
I went to sex addicts on Saturday...i didnt say anything.
And i didnt touch hands with the other guys at the end of the
meeting. What a shitty ending of my day. Fucking porn.
End this shit!!!
Anyway , God Bless you all.

Goran