Well to sum things up, I was abused from the ages of 11-14 by a male doctor. I am 34 now over the years I've struggled with homosexual thoughts..it's never been an everyday as I've gone months or even years without it even crossing my mind.
I will admit that in the past there's been the occassional attraction to men but it's nothing like my attraction to women. The attraction to men is almost exclusively about the sexual acts.
As I was sick a lot as a child during the winter that was when the abuse primarily happened so when this time of year comes around and I'm not overly busy in my day to day life the urges seem to peak.
In the past I've acted out on the urges (usually while drunk) and then felt sick/overwhelming guilt about it-I am fighting very hard to fight the urges...
It has been suggested in the past that I look to form emotional relationships with a man and if the progresses to something sexual so be it..but I'm not sure that is a healthy avenue to go down.
I'm sure this all sounds rambling and crazy lol but I'm trying to get this all out in as healthy a way as possible.