Iíve always been alone and will always will be; .... but my situation taught me at an early age I had no one on this planet except me .....
I know that might be familiar to most of you reading this, but is it superficial for me to keep believing this;
Iíve always worked alone, travel alone, eat alone, just like then, always alone. I sit in a room typing with about 70 people besides myself, these are all strangers,
I am that way also...always alone... I was told by my mother that I was very outgoing as a very small child. But then I got that abuse with other boys by a pedo- who was taking movies. I became very withdrawn and shy. There is a book, Dibs In Search of Self
, by Axline. It is an excellent book and a classic of the psychotherapeutic healing arts.http://www.amazon.com/Dibs-Search-Self-Virginia-Axline/dp/0345339258/
I became like Dibs when I entered school. He is described as hiding under tables, not communicating with either teachers or other children. Dibs' healing is wonderfully described in this book.
I think I slowly progressed in my social skills during elementary school but then more abuse, especially the abuse in the scout camp, drove a much deeper wedge between me and other children and adults. I again became unable to communicate. I had counseling when I was 15. Now I can be in a crowded room and be totally alone. But again I'm slowly improving. I now start up conversations with strangers. I have a small group of friends who meet with me regularly for lunch or breakfast.
So, I conclude that it's a wound from the child abuse I experienced. It had the effect of socially isolating me.