Bobcat - because of the way you asked the question, my answer really distorted the way i told my own story. i answered honestly about how i felt about bigger guys but that is only half of it.

i was an early bloomer who was full-sized and developed in that area at only 11 years old, though having an average body size. i was far ahead of my peers and didn't really think much of it until they discovered that fact. suddenly i was a freak show and had no peace or privacy but was on display whenever they could get to me - in sufficient numbers and out of earshot of adults. i was a novelty and toy and the surrogate for what they wished they had but didn't yet. it was so ironic - they envied my larger size and hairiness and sekual development - while i envied their "normalcy" - small, smooth and immature. i am probly in a tiny minority of guys who were abused by peers who were far less physically mature than myself.

one of the effects of this was to convince me that i was a huge freak. then, when confronted by the super-jock - i suddenly felt like i was too small and inadequate. neither one was good. and i have flipped back and forth throughout my life between the two extremes.

another effect was to convince me that i was weak and powerless and had to be compliant and submissive to any and all influences - whether requests, demands or threats. of course, the prior experiences with the step-dad paved the way for that. i was well-conditioned by the time the other boys entered the picture. even one-on-one with another kid the same size and strength or smaller or weaker than me, i doubt that i'd have resisted or fought back. and naturally that learned helplessness fed my conviction that it had been at least partly my fault or that i could have prevented or stopped it if i had really wanted to.

just to say - it's all messed up - no matter what your measurements or placement on the time-line or comparisons with others. one extreme isn't necessarily better than the other. other peolple's opinions and judgments shouldn't have that much power over us - to make us feel so bad about ourselves.

Lee
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"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho