What you are asking for is beyond reasonable, whether you're looking for a healthy friendship or for this situation with him to progress further. You've been communicating with him for years yet still haven't spoken to him... Survivor or not, that is unacceptable. I know you care about him, however when we enable behavoir like this, it keeps the other person stuck in their unhealthy ways. You are deserving of so much more and I'd personally not "keep quiet" - I'd cut off all ties with him until and if he's ready to progress towards healthy communication and treating you with consideration.