Wow, all you guys are great and I wish I found this website along time ago but better late then never! There is always a guilty feeling that comes with me feeling the way i do. I have even gone as far as creating add on Craigslist where I seek a "dominant male" for a "rough abuse scene" and then I get emails and chat back and forth knowing the whole time I am not going to meet this person or anyone else and it's certainly not my intention to waste someone elses time but I find myself doing the "add" this once in awhile and never have a met anyone it goes back to that "weird feeling" of thinking I want to be raped, just so confusing. My T is currently on maternity leave but I will be going for an appointment next month. I will try and keep posted on how everything goes. Again thanks so much for your support and friendship and most of all, your understanding.