I don't know what to say. A lot of what you wrote is the kind of stuff that my wife and I are going through too. I shared the first part of my story with her and she said "that can't be all of it." And no, its not all of it. But it was some pretty intense stuff about when I was 4 years old and what she meant was that if that is all it was, I am making a big deal out of nothing. And that really hurt. So now I am scared to death that if I share it on this site I will get the same response. So for almost a week I've been pretty absent from here, trying to just bury everything again. I feel like I was moving and her words caused a traffic jam.
Wow, so um maybe I don't have anything supportive to say, unless to tell you I feel like I am in the same fox-hole that you are. Thanks for sharing because it let me know I'm not the only one, though I wish it was none of us.
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone
just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.