i don't have many specific memories of my mom either. i realized at one T session that i spent all my time talking about the step-dad and hardly even mentioned her. she was there in the background but didn't really feature much as a major player in my memories of the important pivotal events. i think that is because i was aware of her more as a failure to be involved or a lack of what should have been a supporting role - and she wasn't there for me. she cooked and cleaned and did laundry but let him dominate the household. and i know i was around her more than him but his influence was much stronger and long-lasting. she just faded into insignificance in comparison. like Cee, i am pretty sure my mom was an enabler rather than an active abuser. i think maybe my lack of memories about her is merely because she didn't play enough of a significant part in my life to deserve the memories.
Probably a safe assumption, although I'm pretty sure after speaking with my therapist that covert incest was involved, to what extent I don't know... I don't really know what covert incest is or how bad it is, but it is what it is, all I know is the definition from wikipedia. I decided not to focus on my lack of memories, but to focus on healing from what I do remember. I have enough of a picture of my past to work with. I don't think it is helpful to myself to get hung up on lack of memories, they will come when they come if they're there. Thanks guys for the feedback & support, I am much relieved.