hey rachel
I can tell you I do not like to be early to anything. and even being right on time seems scary to me it is a real opportunity for some personal interaction and it feels like I am not in control. it is easier to avoid all the idle chit chat at the beginning then I can always run off to the bathroom or something at the end to hide out. at church I just stay sooo busy so there is not much time to interact. I would like to say it is not on purpose but I know that it is. it keeps me safely tucked away from the action and isolated.
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville