CF I have huge holes in my memory too especially with my mother, I know she was not part of my abuse just an enabler, but personally she’s just a sick demented twisted individual with no redeeming qualities, not saying you feel the same towards yours but so much of what you wrote happened to me also, the “playful” touching the comments, she always hated my wife, if I say anything to her she might find offensive she’ll call and harass my wife, she knows I won’t put up with her shit, must be something with that bs catholic upbringing? The only reason I could come up with ended up being real simple as a child your programed to seek love and security from your mother and if she was never there for you what is there to remember, all those memories of being there for you, like me you don’t have, my sons remember stuff my wife did for them when they were 3, let alone forget… Not saying something did or did not happen with your mother I just know for me it didn’t. I know the memory holes get ya, like what else are you forgetting? I also think that as abused guys we have a tendency to overplay certain things, to give things outside of our abuse greater meaning then they have, the emotional abuse I still receive from my mother is horrific, but nothing like being raped, again not saying something did or did not happen to you only you’ll know.

Karma Cloudy, Karma

Cee
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"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine