When I was a kid as far back as I can remember I was terrified of heights, just petrified, I used to have all kind of dreams about being forced (no idea in my dreams about who or what was forcing me, just a feeling I’ve always had) to climb something treacherous, the outside of a building or something and then fall. These stopped around the time I turned 20 when in my dreams I started to fly instead of falling, and then the dreams stopped, never had another one. Now the other thing with this is I used to be able to put my mind in a weird state, kinda like turning off my thoughts, relaxing and if I closed my eyes it felt like I was falling backward, I used to be able to do this till I was about 20 so about the same time as my dreams stopped, I can recall the feeling, just I can’t stop thinking on command anymore. See I’m still scared as hell of heights really scared but I think control has a lot to do with it, understand the reason I “volunteered” submarines is because if someone told me to start chipping & painting on some mast way up high, it just wouldn’t have worked out. Fast-forward to when I worked for Northern Telecom and worked in cell, now I never did tower climb but spent a lot of time in aerial lifts, 80+ feet in the air, it bothered me but nothing like say getting off an elevator on the 20th floor and being on an open air balcony; scares the shit out of me, I mean I freeze up kinda. Not sure if this anything to do with my abuse or is this just some control issue I have?
Any thoughts gentlemen?
"When you're out of the blue and into the black."