I understand about the difficulty of finally telling..I think we all identify. What has left me puzzled about my own experience with CSA and disclosure on MS is the rapidity in which my thoughts move from one perspective to another.
It took two and a half decades to even tell anyone. I came here in a real state of despair and anger toward the perp and a real sense of mourning about what I lost to him. After reading many painful stories, I decided to post my own. At first I thought my story was insignificant compared to many here. I was quickly assured that this is not an academic exercise---we are not graded on whose experience was "worse." The response was an outpouring of support for me--and validation that I needed to be here.
I'm now working on being less self-absorbed as well. As I progress, the empathy I already had is now growing into sympathy. Yes...now that I am dealing with my own demons, I am not quite blinded so much the ones plaguing others---whether it's from CSA or anything else for that matter.
To quote Jackson Browne:
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made. --FDR
I remember redwood trees, bumper cars and wolverines
The ocean's Trident submarines
Lemons, limes and tangerines
I remember this… R.E.M. 1988Cruel SummerMy Journal