*This thread is about atheists, agnostics, & other non-religious survivor's lives and how they were affected by religion and it's relation with your childhood sexual abuse.
*This IS NOT FOR spirituality discussion. Since my other thread got off topic and moved to the spirituality thread, I am not making this topic in any way spiritual. This is from a NON-religious and NON-spiritual point of view. So if this offends or triggers you, be aware and avoid this thread.
We are a minority, and we were affected by a majority's ideals. Even if you grew up atheist, you've most likely heard condemning or illogical accusations coming from religious individuals. Since I live in USA, even our government is heavily moved by religious conviction. It Does Affect Us. To forum moderators, please do not silence the minority to protect the majority.
I will start by telling my story of how religion affected my childhood sexual abuse:
Growing up I was raised Catholic. I was taught things that made no sense to me, I went to a Catholic school where I was harassed endlessly and treacherously. People in my school constantly harassed atheists, agnostics or non-believers, spewing hateful things like, "You're gonna burn in hell, you're worthless." I was a closet agnostic, and a closet gay (more specifically bi-sexual). Religion in my family helped keep me silent about the incestuous abuse I endured. I believed because of what I was taught that I was the scum of the earth bound to burn in hell for eternity, and that I was a disgrace to my family. I was forced to hold this secret, and I swore from the age of 9 that if anyone figured out what was happening to me, I would kill myself without a doubt. My abuser wasn't a clear cut monster, in my mind he was my best friend & family member. I had to protect him just as I had to protect myself. I can't describe the filth I felt at Catholic school because of my home situation. Sitting through sermons and lessons about how being gay was an abomination. See I thought I was just gay, which I'm not I'm bi-sexual, but that's besides the point. What was happening to me wasn't gay, it was abuse. But Religion only intensified my filth, my guilt, my shame. And of course it intensified my anger at this imaginary God. Some kids cry when they realize Santa Claus isn't real, but when a kid realizes God isn't real? It's the worst feeling in the entire world, because your world is based on that belief. My world was utterly shattered & destroyed at a very young age. Religion was abusive in my past and intensified the effects of my sexual abuse. In particular it gave me an idea that I was forsaken and unforgivable, I was filthy scum and that I was guilty.
That's a tiny summary, I don't fully know how much religion affected my growth, to what extent it damaged and constricted my mind's production. I could go on and on about my history, but really I don't need to write my history, because I know there's others here who feel forsaken by God, who are angry at God. And even more importantly angry for being lied to.
I can't hold it back anymore, the more I try to understand the minds of those who raised me, Catholics & Christians the more I understand they're hypocritical and mailable. They vary from one to another and they use their religion to validate their own personal goals or ideals. They're blasphemers. And before you take offense, consider this, how can I offend you if your BOOKS that you believe in intrinsically offend me. You do not poke a bear and expect not to get attacked. It's either stupid, ignorant, or nieve to think your religion is not going to provoke a conflict. THEY JUST CAN'T BE DISCUSSED WITHOUT OFFENSE, so I'm not going to strive for the impossible anymore, because you know what, I can't. I will not be silent about how much religion has hurt me.
So I AM going to say what I think about religion.
I think any religion that condemns a group of people is wrong. (Christianity for example condemns those who don't believe Jesus is the son of God)
I think it's cruel to raise a child into believing a religion without letting them grow old enough to make their own choice.
I think religion can do more harm than good in various instances. (Both inwardly and outwardly)
I don't think I can be around religious people anymore, I will not tolerate someone who has the audacity to say I will burn in hell, for ANY reason, especially a whimsical one like not believing in something or for being born a certain way. It is ABUSIVE, and it may mean cutting family ties for me, and letting go of friendships.
And lastly, WHERE IN THE FUCK WAS GOD FOR ME WHEN I WAS BEING RAPED FOR 12 YEARS? The truth is some people DON'T make it, SOME PEOPLE DIE, SOME PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES, SOME PEOPLE NEVER RECOVER. I DO NOT and will NEVER believe in a God who actively lets that happen. I do not believe in a God that works his hands to mold the human race. And I would NEVER condemn a person for not believing what I believe in, never. But I will condemn a person who condemns others for such reasons, because that is intrinsically bad, negative, and wrong.
*Lastly, I'm not talking about peaceful religions, which there are some out there. For example Buddhism & Jainism. (Although arguably philosophies and not religions)
So I ask you again my fellow atheists, agnostics, & other non-religious survivors, how did religion play a role in your childhood sexual abuse and how does it make you feel?
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein