I am abuser centered.
I absolutely have to make sure that I am perfect, clean, hard surfaced and hyper analytic. Everything MUST be reverse engineered or I will be hurt, brutally. I will be rejected, destroyed and abandon. Of course I am carefully and obsessively monitoring my actions, thoughts and words. Who has time for feelings, those are to manipulate the abuser, hoping to be able to talk my way out of the next abuse, or sadly, to talk my way into attention and intimacy.
I was abuser centered.
Confronting my abusers and learning to believe in me is importantly self aware that I am, and maybe a bit more than equal to peers, humbly I offer. One day I will be comfortable just being within others grouping.
The goal, I can actually see the finish line. A time where I do not think, feel or act for the abuser. Where I can interact with confidence and curiosity. I can see me, then.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014