This is a good discussion of these matters. In retrospect it looks as though I was a magnet for abuse. I experienced csa before I was even 4 years old and it went on into August. So, at once per week that means that I got abused perhaps as many as 2 dozen times. He was using a movie camera. I have told this in pufferfish story part 1. At that age the personality splits off easily.

I worked out a diagram of my different ones about 20 years ago. My therapist helped me work through much of that list mostly of child personalities. When we were through I was aware that I was double. I had an adult personality and a boy personality who had all the memories of the abuse at 12. He was very troubled and highly paranoid and so we ran from further work on this. Then EMDR work brought the boy and the adult together but there were many memory tags left hanging around.

Now I'm returning to the same therapist for more work. The good part is that I have really grown emotionally and psychologically since I started seeing him. However, there are some matters which have seemingly been unresolved. Most of the counseling or therapy I've had has dealt with the very heavy burdens from the scout camp when I was 12. Now I'm still worried that there might be some hidden stuff from the very heavy abuse when I was 12. Also, there are things I can't remember from when I was 4 and 5. If I have a bout of amnesia it may mean that there are things there which need to be worked on.

Puffer




Edited by pufferfish (01/27/13 11:47 PM)