hi, Jacob -

Originally Posted By: Jacob S
Her comment became a real catalyst for a wave of painful flashbacks like I have never had before.


yup - it's hard not to get further polarized when that happen. you are doing well in that respect if you can keep a cool head - at least outwardsly - and not alienate the two of you even more. too easy to lash back or withdraw into isolation - a hard lesson learned for me.

Originally Posted By: Jacob S
The issue isn't her vs. me anymore, now its me vs. my past and whether I can tell her what has been going on with me for the past week without overwhelming her again.


glad you are on the same "side" now - more or less. you can take it slow and easy - make general comments - like - "i got triggered" or "had a bad flashback" or "something brought up some difficult memories." you don't have to go into detail. if she seems able to handle it - you can always fill in more - but can stop whenever you need to - for both of your sakes.

my wife is in an awkward place of inconsistent tension - pulled back and forth between wanting to know everything - and being afraid to face it all - or not able to handle all the ramifications. that's the hard part for me - it's not "just the facts, m'am." there are so many consequences that neither she nor i are comfortable to explore. i know what it all means but she would have a tough time grasping everything at this point. and i am afraid the too graphic revelations would undo a lot of progress. so we remain in an uneasy equilibrium...

hang in there, man. you have good instincts - i'm sure you will find you way.
Lee
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"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho