congratulations on your ongoing recovery from those addictions. hopefully, this step of talking about your past and the painful events will add to your progress. there are many here who can relate to various details of your experiences - myself included. the support, info, encouragement and comradeship of the guys here has been a major part of my recovery journey. hope you find the same.
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"