congratulations on your ongoing recovery from those addictions. hopefully, this step of talking about your past and the painful events will add to your progress. there are many here who can relate to various details of your experiences - myself included. the support, info, encouragement and comradeship of the guys here has been a major part of my recovery journey. hope you find the same.
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"