you are so welcome here.
you may be surprised what good it does to acknowledge to trauma and pain you carry. other symptoms may be tied to this very issue and not be responsive to treatment because the underlying trauma has not been addressed. in any case it feels so good to have a group of people understand and "get it" hope you find a place here with us
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"