As relates to the CSA - you knew this was coming - this is telling.

During the home abuse and the years following the CSA, I soldiered on. Some perhaps suspected something wasn't quite right with me, but I seemed to be functioning. The HIV is very similar. Except this is a case in which I've actually been able to quantify it.

And, well, here I go with vindication again. A couple people who aren't terribly familiar with HIV were shocked when they heard the results. I've appreciated being treated normally by them, but I've also made it clear I often feel weak. I don't think it had really sunk in. I hope they don't start treating me differently now - especially since I'm starting the advanced meds, that would be an irony.

I don't like to admit this, but I've also some resentment towards those who hadn't taken me seriously. Some of it's my doing out of a lifetime of habit, trying to look/act normal when I've felt like crap and/or only been able to function a few hours at a time. I guess in some cases I've made light of it because I don't want to deal with others' denial (i.e., "oh, you're just having a down day" or "you look phine to me"). Often, it's just to help MY frame of mind...which would be shit otherwise. If anything, I've got my own baseline, if you will, on exactly how much effort it's really required.

I mean, hell, a CD4 count below 200 plus any of a specific list of infections indicates AIDS. Well, I'm at 46 and the infections have been coming with increasing frequency over the past year, though they'd not progressed to the specific CDC-approved list, "just" related infections. I've been managing the symptoms best I can without insurance...and, honestly, no desire to invoke a public health system (been there, done that...and I'm a piece of meat to them, if I've been lucky) which would stress me out more.

That's my rant.

Suppose I should be doing a Celia Cruz thing. But after so many disappointments I'm just relieved.