I'm sorry for the pain you've been through. We all have our stories and what's amazing is that while the stories differ, the feelings, experiences, and behavior resulting is very similar among us.
I hope you find the healing you seek here and in your therapy. Keep up the good work.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell