Love doesn't mean you should not be angry, and it doesn't mean having a relationship. Anger is protective and lets you know that you've been wronged. It's your body feeling the truth of what's going on, that someone is hurting you. That was the situation, so you should be angry. It wasn't some misunderstanding. If you try not to be angry, it will just go underground and poison you.

I love my abusive mother in the sense that I wish her well rather than wanting revenge, in the sense that I hope she gets help, stops the coverup, and comes to repent of the terrible things that she has done, so that she can be a better person and maybe one day find peace. I forgive her in the sense that I don't want terrible things to happen to her as punishment or revenge. I do not forgive her with any sense that what she did was in any way acceptable or anything other than monstrous. Jesus says "Love your enemies"; I love her, but also consider an enemy. I consider her a persecutor and someone who hates me and whom I should avoid.

In terms of my natural instincts, I loathe her. Her voice makes my skin crawl. I fear her and my adrenaline comes up just at the thought of her. I am very angry at her, and especially at the way in which she would blame and shame me throughout my childhood for problems that I had which she had to know were caused by the abuse.

Hope that's in someway helpful. To have your own mother be one of your worst enemies is a great, great hardship and sadness. Go easy on yourself.

All the best,

Ninja_Turtle


Edited by Ninja_Turtle (01/21/13 06:21 PM)