Well jls,

With 1100 posts you know we know what you mean. And wouldn't it be wonderful if we could go to therapy for a couple of years, get hit with a cure stick and never have to face any of this stuff again.

I don't know if an example, makes you feel less alone but let me try. With depression there is an assestment tool (Beck ) and the higher the score the worse. The best days I have had I took the assessmsnt. I scored the lowest I ever got. It was 24. The level that regular people score when they just lost their job.

So yeah, even good days feel usually like they are just less fucked up. And when I get a rude awakening (Like I just saw my brother - my first perp when I didn't even know he was in the country) all the strategies and coping skills are about as useful as a dead goat.

I know this is better than it was. And I will get over it sooner than I thought or used to, but why doesn't it all go away. I haven't lost self control over self-mutilation, or gone back into my delusions for quite a while. Why am I not fixed already.

Our stories are different, but we are all the same.