You are not to blame. And (in my opinion), you don't have to love her. Love and forgiveness are gifts, and we sometimes happier and healthier if we decide to give those gifts -- but since they are gifts, no one can force us to give them.
I come here now, and I see lots of anger.
I don't blame anyone for that. It is perfectly understandable.
But it is not healthy for me.
So I'm going somewhere else.

Goodbye and good healing.