sorry - naturally you are upset by this. but please don't waste your time beating yourself up over it. it was a mistake - own it and learn from it. hope you accepted the repercussions in an appropriate manner - that goes a long way. and it can still be addressed if you need to when you return.
i like what you said about having time to think and calling a new T. that is a great attitude to take - make something positive out of the unexpected bonus of extra time off. it could be very productive. you sound more balanced that the posts i read by you a year or so ago = then you seemed to be much more down on yourself. looks to me like you are doing better.
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago